Sunday 28 September 2014

The good, the bad and the one...

I must firstly start this this post with an apology after what can only be described as a rather lengthy absence from my blog. 

I do however have a reason behind this and it is one that I have excitedly kept under wraps for weeks. Richard and I were house hunting and fortunately found a great little property to continue our future together in. We have officially been at our new home for just over week now and have certainly had a rollercoaster of a time. At last we are finally settled and everything is coming together after much moving of boxes from room, to room, to room! 

The search for our new home wasn't too long in comparison to many other friends of mine. In fact we made the decision to start seriously looking and no less than two days later we had our first viewing and very nearly got the house, only losing out on it to another tenant by an hour. At the time I was devastated because it seemed perfect but looking back and comparing it to what we have now it was certainly far from it. It was only a one bedroom home with a small front room, tiny galley kitchen, one small dated bathroom and an average sized bedroom with no storage, no garden and only one parking space to fight over. It's funny how all those weeks ago it seemed to be 'the one' but I guess that's what desperation does to you. 

Although in total we viewed six properties we did actually find it a struggle to get appointments simply because we have a dog. It seems a shame really that so many people turned us away and although I understand that many landlords want to protect their investment from damage, it does seem as though they are missing a trick, particularly as many who do accept dogs charge as much as two and half months deposit. I spent most of my six weeks off work for the summer calling and chasing agents about properties and found it thoroughly frustrating when I was turned away or told that the property was no longer available even though they continued to advertise it. 

It is safe to say we saw quite a selection of properties, some good, some bad. It must be said however I thoroughly enjoyed having a nose around different houses, but I am fascinated by home design and the property ladder anyway. So here is a run down of the houses we saw, summarised by what we took from each place and ultimately why it wasn't 'the one'...

House #1
As I mentioned earlier it was a one bedroom house with no garden and limited parking but it did feel fairly homely and I could certainly imagine making it our own. It was also super close to my work, only a three minute drive or about a fifteen minute walk. It would however have been fairly out of the way for Richard in terms of his rugby commitments, seeing friends and his gym. Although we started negotiations we missed out on it to another person which I genuinely do believe was for the best. There is no way we would have been able to house all of our belongings there and we would certainly have had to put it in storage. I also think we would have missed having a garden although there were great walks in the local woods nearby. 

House #2
This house was an example of how not having pictures on agent particulars works against you. I gave it the benefit of the doubt because the first property didn't have them but in that case I knew what to expect because I drove past it everyday to work. This place however was a no go from the moment we pulled up outside it. There was no parking and I ended up having to leave my car in a pay and display car park, which would mean visitors would effectively have to pay just to see us. I was also worried about the security of not only my car but our house because they were so close to two local pubs and on a road. As we waited outside we were greeted by the neighbour and his son (who was walking around the street in his pants no less). They were lovely and did hope we would take the place but this certainly wasn't a feeling we could share after seeing the property. 

Now I could certainly see it's potential. If you had bought the place, made parking out the front and pumped money into refurbishment then you would definitely be onto a winner but for rental it was a dead end. As soon as we stepped in we were hit by the smell of curry. It was filthy, absolutely filthy and all I could think of was how much cleaning I would have to do and how on earth to get rid of that pong. It turned out that the place had been rented to students and it had fallen into disrepair. No matter how much the agent told us of his plans to paint everything, rip up and replace the carpets, deep clean and replace the toilet seat (something he kept going back to so much I was worried as to what was wrong with it in the first place) I just couldn't warm to it. As we walked round the state of each room became worse- there was a make shift bed on one of the dining tables forgoodnesssake. Although the agent assured me that there were lots of other people interested I couldn't quite believe him because he was trying to push down the rent and fees for us as we were discussing the options with him. It's safe to say  it was a no and we dropped him a polite text later and carried on our search.

House #3
This was a property that from the pictures looked brand new but upon looking around was clearly not. It was a maisonette very close to the local (rather shabby) town. Again there was no guaranteed parking and the overall security of the area was concerning. The place itself was liveable but it didn't really have the 'wow' factor. There were lots of jiggly points that left us feeling fairly underwhelmed and the fact it had no garden put the nail in the coffin of this place.

House #4 
This house. Oh lord this house. This had the picture postcard look from the outside. This is the sort of house you would be proud to show your friends and family you had invested in. It was stunning but even from the moment I booked the viewing I just knew it was out of our reach. There was a whole day just booked for viewings and we were the fifth appointment of the morning so you can imagine our odds. We looked round and although the interior was nice enough it was slightly on the small side. We both left in love, we even picked up the application forms but upon looking at the details I realised it I was priced beyond our reach and we stopped perusing it, even after an agent later called and said they would look at reducing the fees (suggesting maybe it wasn't the dream home for everyone after all).

House #5
This takes us to what is now our home. Now don't take it's place to mean we settled for second best. We left this house feeling very excited by it all but we had actually been booked in for another viewing at the same time I booked this one so we didn't want to jump the gun and miss out on another potentially good house. Everything seemed right about this house. The area, the street, the front. Everything. The viewing went really well and even after we left we both talked about it in excitable tones. This really was in the running...

House #6
This was the last house we viewed, although we didn't know it at the time. This place was actually bigger than the one we have now and it was a close call. The house however did turn out to have more negatives than positives (something I discovered after creating an excellent pros and cons chart between this house and House #5). The main issue for me was the complete inability to park. In fact the current tentant had to park where we did on the viewing day which was a couple of streets away across a very busy road, up a hill, which I'm sure you can appreciate for moving day and tasks such as food shopping is just not practical. That was the ultimate reason why we turned it down and House #5 won!

So there you have it. Our house hunting journey summed up without all those boring bits and days where I would do nothing but scour Rightmove and call estate agents. I will of course post more about our new home as we settle and everything has it's place but for now I will leave you in a state of wonder...

Tuesday 2 September 2014

Devilishly Destructive Delights Talks: Fresh Starts

So it's been fairly quiet on the blog front after a sudden hype of activity in the previous weeks. I definitely took every opportunity to blog about all the exciting things I had planned in the Summer, but now the weather is turning rubbish, the fun filled activities have died down, the bank balance is low and the Summer holidays are almost over. 

Tomorrow is my first day back to work after a glorious six week break. It really will be back to reality after enjoying a pleasant lie in or two and lazy days at home in comfy clothes, doing nothing more than cuddling the dog and catching up on pants daytime telly. For me it will be all change- two new positions at work, a new team to work with and 120 brand new children to tackle. Personally I can't wait!  But what about those out there who will be sending their loved ones to nursery or school for the first time? What about the children themselves? How do they feel? 

Parents. Feeling underprepared? Feeling anxious? Wondering if they are ready and more to the point if you are ready to let them go? I am here to guide you and hopefully put your worries at ease. You're probably reading this and expecting me to tell you all about my children and how I've managed. Sadly not. Now you may be sitting back and wondering how on earth I can possibly help you but believe me I have a whole host of experiences with children both starting school and other settings.

I worked at a private nursery for over a year, from babies all the way up for four and I am currently working in a very busy primary school in the Foundation Stage Department- in other words the newbies to school, both children and parents alike. So you can imagine I really have seen it all and over this time I have come up with a selection of tips and advice for parents on making the transition into school as easy as possible...

Before the first school day looms...

I have seen it time and time again with children and parents just simply not getting set for school, particularly in most recent years. Last year was the worst I'd seen, with children starting school not knowing if they were a boy or a girl, their hair or eye colour, how to write their name nor know what it started with. Of course teaching staff do not expect children to come to school as a genius but we do expect to see that some effort has been taken to introduce them to numeracy, literacy and the world around them. It can be through simple steps such as counting out spoonfuls, identifying objects with their real names opposed to 'doggie' and 'horsie' (please don't encourage this past a certain age, it really is irritating and hard to correct) and even talking about what you see whilst out for a walk such as butterflies and how they used to be caterpillars, etc. 

In your everyday routine you will have the opportunity to explore these concepts with your child so their simply is no excuse. Last year we only had a handful of children who could write their name, knew numbers up to ten, could start the alphabet and who could draw a self portrait. We had children reduced to tears at their own frustration simply because they had not been given the opportunity to be creative or heard at home. I believe this is due to the take over of technology, particularly iPads. I am all for technology, and tablets can certainly help children with their fine manipulative skills but it is clear that they are being left for hours each day in front of the telly and this is dramatically preventing their readiness for education and their concentration. 

What should my child be able to do before starting school?

Every child is different which is something we understand and embrace as carers but every child can also start somewhere and there are some fundemental needs that must be addressed before school. Here are my top recommendations for children about to start school..

  1. Toilet training- I've seen it time and time again when parents have avoided this tricky topic. Believe me I've worked in a nursery setting, focusing on a whole class of children who have needed to be toilet trained and it's tough, frustrating and exhausting but is a definite must. Children tend to show signs of progress away from nappies so it is important to keep an eye out for these and act upon them. It is absolutely essential that your child can use the toilet, understand the sensation of needing to relieve themselves and also clean themselves appropriately. Again last year we had several parents try to start their children at school without this key skill and we simply cannot accept that. We are a busy team, caring for 120 children and we simply do not have the time nor the facilities to be changing your child.  Toilet training will not happen overnight so you have to stick at it, give plenty of praise and approach it with sensitivity. Accidents do happen and we are more than happy to change these, particularly at the beginning of a child's schooling. Anxiety and excitement can change a child's toiletting habits so make sure you help out staff by packing spare underwear, socks and if possible even a full set of clothes for those occasions. It may seem excessive but when a child's had an accident they are feeling vulnerable and embarrassed and the last thing they want is to be wearing someone else's clothes which inevitably are too big. In preparation for school make sure you explain to them that they will be responsible for going to the toilet by themselves, they should be encouraged to do so at home and in turn clean themselves up and wash their hands appropriately which can be demonstrated by you. 
  2. Dressing- This is another skill that can be avoided by parents and as someone who has cared for young children for the past four years, I complete understand the frustration of slow dressers and the 'I can't do it' attitude. Sometimes it really is just easier and far quicker to do it yourself but this is what causes so many problems when it comes to starting school. You can imagine how difficult it is when the children start P.E and suddenly we have 120 children saying 'I can't do it' and 'Miss help me'. It's enough to drive you mad and I can assure you this always something I dread. Aspects of children's school uniform are tricky such as shirts and dresses and we will of course step in and help in these cases. However measures can be taken to help your child, even before they wear it. Try to buy elasticated skirts and trousers for quick and easy changes. Not only will it make it easier for your child to dress themselves but also those quick sprints to the toilets. The number of cases we have had with children stuck in their trousers and consequently having a wet accident is unbelievable, so I emplore you to buy elasticated waists. Also polo tops are more favourable over shirts and Velcro shoes over laces. One other suggestion for all those watching their budgets- please don't put belts on your children's trousers. I know you want their clothes to last and think that buying big has it's benefits but it's just another thing to take off and for them to learn to use (and in many cases us too). This all must seem incredibly obvious but you won't believe some of the things we have seen. Practise getting dressed with your children as often as possible- the more you practice, the quicker and more capable they will be.
  3. Feeding- This is another area we find parents using quick solutions to stop slow kids but you guessed it, this has to stop! With the introduction of free school meals it is even more important for children to be able to use a knife and fork and feed themselves. As soon as children are onto solid foods and are having family meals they should be encouraged to feed themselves, even if it is just using a spoon initially and then developing onto other cutlery. I still see children in Year Two who have no concept of how to use a knife and fork, instead using their hands or putting the knife in their mouths. This is yet another skill we simply cannot teach to hundreds of children individually so it is important that you support and encourage them at home. We don't mind cutting up the odd piece of food here and there but we cannot be shovelling food into your child's mouth! Children should also be encouraged to try a wide variety of foods because when they reach school there is often only one choice on offer for those opting for a meal and as a lunchtime supervisor I can tell you that their really is nothing fun about consoling a child who is having a fit over their vegetables.
  4. Writing- Last year was the worst for children's writing and overall creativity. As I have already mentioned only a handful of children could do the very basics when they started school. We always ease children in to school work, initially asking them to paint a picture of themselves for the class register display and we were shocked to find that the majority could not hold a pencil let alone use it to create shapes for self portrait. Many would paint their faces blue, hair green and eyes red simply because they had no idea what they actually looked like, even with the aid of a mirror. With this in mind, it is really important to engage your child in basic creative activities at home, even if it is just a pad of paper and some crayons. They need to learn how to hold and use tools effectivitely in order to progress onto writing at school. We are not expecting to see a piece of work by Van Gogh but we do like to see that they are capable of using resources around them in the appropriate way. If you can get your child to write their name, no matter how badly it is formed, before they start school that's even better! 
  5. Numbers- Once again I'd like to make it clear that we really aren't expecting wonders with children's knowledge when they first start. If they can count to one hundred then fantastic, if they can only count to ten then that's fine. It's not about how much they know, it's what they know. Again last year saw a dip in the knowledge that children start with, many not even knowing their numbers up to as little as five. As I have already mentioned, you can start numbers through your daily routines and activities and further this with resources such as flash cards which will help them associate the names with their form. There are some great free resources available online which makes finding educational supplies even more accessible for all. Even if children become confused between two and five, or don't necessarily say them in the correct order, it's a start and is always met positively by staff. 
  6. Colours- This is something which is often overlooked by parents but it is another important aspect of their education, particularly when it comes to their primary colours. Again you can use this in your everyday routines or as a game to pass time, i.e: what can you find that is green? How many things can you see that are red? This will incorporate number skills too. You'll be amazed at how quickly they will pick up on colours, even if it is a colour a day or week.
  7. Naming- I cannot impress upon you just how important this is. Every year we drum into parents at their consultation evening and home visit that they need to label everything, and we mean everything. Parents nod and laugh and say they will but they never do. Imagine being in our shoes and having 120 children to match with their belongings which are all identical. Label all of their clothing including bags, shoes (both pairs, seems obvious but you'd be surprised) spare clothes, the lot! There are some great gadgets out there now to label belongings with including durable stickers and markers. A simple biro just won't cut it. So before you start complaining that Bob has lost yet another polo top or coat, think about why they've lost it and what could be done to prevent this happening in future. If there is no name in it how do we know that it's yours and not Fred's? Naming belongings is another area when a child being able to write and recognise their own name comes in handy.

School Jitters and how to avoid them.

So you've prepared as much as possible. You've got the uniform, you've got them taking their first steps towards learning but what about you? Are you ready?

I can't tell you how many times we have had to pry crying parents off of their bewildered children. Of course we understand what parents are going through and put measures in place to deal with these scenes at the school gates. My current setting provides a tea and coffee morning for new parents after they have dropped off their children, so that they can meet other parents and our family workers who put these worries at ease, often coming to check on the children to see how they have settled in. 

In the run up to starting school you need to make sure that you are as ready for school as they are. Often parents are in denial over the whole thing. For them all of this preparation is for something that doesn't seems real, so when it comes to the big day they struggle with their emotions of letting their 'baby' go. This is all completely understandable and natural but it is important that you stay strong, particularly in front of your child because otherwise your anxieties become theirs.

Positivity is the key. Paint school in a positive light and that is exactly how it will be taken. The more you discuss it, the more prepared you both will be. Talk about the routines that will take place, the fun activities they will participate in and all of the new friends they will make. If that doesn't sway them use the toy card- let them know that they will have a whole host of new toys to play with! That gets them everytime. Be sure that you answer any questions or concerns they may have in order to reduce their anxieties. Parents don't think that children will think of the important things such as finding the toilets and where their classroom is. If possible have a visit of the school with them and meet their new teacher. Our school is great for introducing children to the school environment by organising parent evenings, stay and play events for families and a taster day for the children which gives them a chance to sample the daily routine, meet their class and their teachers. Like role play? Why not set up a school at home and act out some of the events that might happen. Not up for that? Why not take them to a library and find books all about school or watch children's shows that focus on first days. You'll be amazed at what you can find and all of this helps the unfamiliarity of it all.


So you've made it to the first day...

Let's face it, the hardest part of it all is dropping them off in the morning and saying goodbye. I've seen it time and time again, with parents trying to fight back the tears and keep a steady voice. It gets all of us going, believe me. However hard it may be it is essential that you keep it together. Children have an amazing ability to latch on to the emotions of others. A slight wobble of the lip or a tear in the eye and they will suddenly worry about what they are about to step foot into. Make sure that your goodbye is a positive one- telling them to have a good day in an excited voice and reassuring them that you will pick them up again later are all good places to start. It is easy to forget that school is a good thing for them in amongst all of your anxieties.

It is not only the drop off that is important but the pick up too. We often see parents collect their child and immediately start inundating them with questions about their day, wanting to know what they did, if they made friends and so much more. However excited and worried you are for them you have to hold fire on the interrogations. The children have just had a whirlwind of a day and much like you after a long day at work, the last thing they want to do is talk about it in great detail. No doubt you will hear 'we played' or 'nothing' when you ask them what they did at school much like a moody teenager. This will of course be frustrating for you and you may suddenly doubt the school, but this is a child trying to come to terms with the day that they have had and often they need time to cope with what will have been a busy and exhausting day. Often you will find that children will randomly blurt out aspects of their day at inappropriate moments, such as at bedtime or while disciplining them. It is important not to leap on this and restart the interrogation but merely listen and ask the odd question here and there. Soon enough the events will begin to unravel and you will hear more and more about school. Don't just assume they hate it, it is normally the complete opposite and they are totally overwhelmed. Patience and positivity is the key!

There you have it. My top tips and experiences all wrapped up for you in this handy blog post. All I can say now is good luck- to you, me and the children! Now to set the dreaded alarm for an early school start tomorrow....